Welcome home Princess

September 20th 2014 the 4th day we were going to be spending in our new home. We had finally moved into our cute little half Queenslander rental and had barely even started unpacking. Matt and I slept in that morning it was a gorgeous Saturday and we were absolutely exhausted. Our plan was to do absolutely nothing all day.

That obviously didn’t happen…..

So long story cut short, Matt got a phone call from his mother in regards to RSPCA holding an adoption expo at the show grounds in Brisbane, we had been talking about adopting or fostering for awhile and when we found out it was just down the road we jumped out of bed and headed down.

Being at the show grounds broke my heart, I seriously just wanted to take them all home, I mean all and spend my days playing and making them feel loved forever. I just couldn’t believe how many dogs had been either dumped, found or given away.

After spending a fair amount of time looking around, putting a few applications in for some puppies we decided to have one last look around before we left. Matt wanted to pat this massive I mean massive dog so we went to the stall called “Red Collar Rescue Inc. Biggenden.” As we were standing there and Matt was saying hello to Mr Giant man I saw this gorgeous Blue healer just hanging out and waging her tail at everyone being super awesome. Of course I had to say hi, having been brought up with cattle dogs as a child I have always had a soft spot for them. I didn’t realise that this little girl was going to steal both mine and Matt’s heart. She came straight over to me, lay down and put her chin on my leg and gave me those puppy eyes, them serious “HI I LOVE YOU PLEASE TAKE ME HOME” puppy eyes. Well she sure suckered us in and we on the spot adopted her.

 

Leia 2

 

 

I am not going to lie, we have only had her for 3 weeks and yes it has been very stressful. She has broken a window, pooped and peed on the floor, jumped the fence multiple times and wakes me up every morning at 5am to take her for walks. I feel like a new mum who has no idea what she is doing, its rather scary but I am so excited and nothing compares to how she has given both Matt and I so much joy, love and happiness in these 3 weeks that we both wouldn’t no what to do without her.

She sure didn’t know what was happening when we took her home and it has taken her some time to settle in. I must say with the help of the beautiful Melissa Rigby Nanimals doggy day care and Matt we have definitely seen a change in her. She comes to her name which is Leia by the way. She was named after Matt’s favourite movie trilogy Star Wars. She is our one and only Princess! I can’t wait to see her personality grow everyday and I can’t wait to keep seeing how much she is helping to change our lifestyle for the better.

 

Leia

 

 

I hope you all can meet this soft gentle soul that we have been gifted with, Matt and I are very much in love with her. Have an amazing week all. <3

So fresh so clean

Winter is here in all her glory, all bow down to the Queen.

Brrrrr

Brrrrr

I am currently rugged up in bed with my cup of tea and have the heater going. I kind of wish I was in the forest, birds singing, wind yelling, air so crisp you feel its purity and a nice hot fire. But alas I am not. I am here in my little one bedroom apartment with my incense burning.

I have never loved Winter, I do enjoy her solitude but I definitely prefer warmth, I don’t know why but I think I am just a Spring baby, oh thats right I am a spring baby ;) Give me warmth any day, I just love how amazing everything is and I adore being outside running around feeling the sun kissing my cheeks and hugging my entire body, dancing under the trees and swimming in the ocean.

Summer I miss you already

Ocean

On the bright side though last week I was lucky enough to be able to visit the ocean, even if it was freezing outside. The water funnily enough was actually warm and I spent a good half hour walking through it. It’s funny how much I love the sea. It has smashed me up against rocks, taken me under and thrown me out and then pulled me back under and yet I still love its bright blue saltiness.

ocean2

One thing it does do for me is create peace

and for that, I thank you.

What am I most Proud of?

Good morning and happy hump day to those at work, only 2 more days till your weekend. I have been off work since Friday afternoon and most people who follow me on instagram would know why. I have become more open with my personal life on the internet and in general with friendships/relationships because I am really wanting to encourage love and truth within myself and others.

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Something I have been struggling with over the past couple of days is coming off a medication that I have been on for the past 6-8 months for an undiagnosed nerve problem that I have been suffering from for the past 2 years. This medication was both a saviour and a curse. I had many problems but I also had some amazing results. The negatives have outweighed the positives so I spoke with my GP and we discussed weening me off it. So the above is currently what I am and have been going through over the past week. I am not going to lie about how difficult this is for me to discuss as I have been struggling a lot with withdrawals and reoccurring nerve pain.

As I have written on my instagram post, I am discussing this because I feel it is something that people need to learn and be informed about. Medication can definitely help but it can also cause so much more heartache. Throughout the past 6 months I definitely stopped being in as much pain but I lost most emotional connection with a lot of things in my life, I also had some major memory loss during outings with friends, difficulty sleeping, anxiety, labido loss and much more. If I had my time again I would definitely have tried a more holistic approach but I was in pain, I needed a quick fix and I am happy to say that I am now going to try and resolve this undiagnosed nerve problem in a more natural way whatever that may be. So wish me luck, I know it is going to be a long journey.

I am so blessed to have my partner and to really start to realise who my true and dearest of friends are throughout this entire process. I thank you so much for all your help and encouragement.

 

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My beautiful flowers I received coming home from the hospital yesterday. <3

 

This brings me to the next part of my blog.

I entered into a competition the other day and it was all about writing what it is you are most proud of or what you have achieved over the past 4 years. I had never really thought about this deeply. I had to go to a place that I was actually not very comfortable going, not because I am not proud of what I am or what I have achieved but because I have always found it hard to talk about myself or encourage/love myself. I thought I would share what I ended up entering.

“What am I most proud of? What a question and where do I start. I know that this is supposed to be based on a 4-year period of your life but I am so very proud of how I have turned my entire life around throughout my life. I mean the past 4 years have been both painful and eventful but my life is a novel waiting to be told and I am only 26 years old.

Cutting a life story short as much as possible, I will just briefly explain: I spent my entire childhood being mentally, physically, emotionally and sexually abused along with my sister and two brothers. (I hope they are ok with me sharing this) We endured so much along with my mother from my father and really never knew what it was like to live a normal life (whatever normal is). We were lucky to have someone come and help us escape from my father and spent two long years in a shelter hiding from my father… At the end of all this I would say I was 12/13- during our entire childhood/upbringing my mother was not allowed to touch us, love us, feed us or teach us. I spent a lot of my time growing up and becoming mother to my siblings, mainly my oldest brother who I think struggled the most. We ended up finally getting to attend school, only to be picked on and struggle badly as we had never spent time with other children and had not been taught anything about school. My siblings either ran away from home, struggling with my mothers new partner who also struggled with anger, (I think it was more to do with taking on four pretty messed up kids) or just dropped out of school. (I am super proud of all my siblings now as they are all doing as well as the can having gone through what they went through- one of the reasons I have had the ability to get through is because of there determination and strength). During this time I had promised myself that I would never allow myself to let my father get the better of me or let myself get the better of me. I promised myself to complete school and to get a good job and to find someone who would never abuse me.

This brings me to the past four years of my life, I can not pin point exactly where I was but I do know that I was not happy. I may have succeeded in areas of my life, such as work. I was an office manager for a neurosurgeon practice and had previously worked as a high school counsellor. I had completed study after school, year 12 and was now studying Business management. I may have succeeded in having plenty of friends which I had never had as a young person and I was in a relationship with someone that I thought I was going to marry. Having all of these things did not help me with that feeling I felt every day when I woke up and lay staring at my roof just thinking about how hurt, sad and alone I was. I spent many, many years like this, I would cry a lot, fight a lot with my partner and I would fight with myself a lot as well. I used to look in the mirror every day thinking how ugly I was, yet I modelled, thinking that I was worthless and that I didn’t deserve anything and also drinking and smoking myself into even more sadness. I mean I had great moments, enjoyed good times and loved those in my life, but I was so unhappy within myself. I eventually realised that I was not where I was suppose to be, it took me a good 9 months to finally build the courage to leave my partner in the house we had together, (This being the hardest thing I ever did as I had spent 4/5 years with someone I would say was my best friend) to move out and live alone in a little unit and to get a completely new job. Having done this (after crying a lot) I felt amazing, I had finally made some decisions for myself and I started getting my independence back. I finally had some strength.

Moving on…. the past two years have probably been the most amazing two years of my life. I would not have said this two years ago but I sure do feel that way now. I have met the love of my life, got engaged in New York, lost my full time job, lost all my belongings in a flood, found a new place to live, suffered from back problems and nerve pain, lost friends, made new friends, found a new job, and much more, but something I am mostly proud of is that during all of this I finally learned how to let go and to love myself. I think it all started 12 months ago when I started yoga teacher training; I was going through so much with my body constantly being in pain from an as yet undiagnosed issue with my nerves, and I was also working through a lot of internal emotional distress stemming from my childhood. Throughout the process of learning yoga I really started to learn about myself. I addressed many old issues that I had been battling with my entire life and I also learnt how to communicate with not only my partner but my friends and family. I let go of the worry that I was going to somehow be punished for everything I did in my life and allowed love to shine and overflow. This will be a constant journey for me but everyday gets easier and I feel happier and brighter knowing this about myself. I am now getting back into helping others through counselling and yoga, I teach them but I am also teaching myself. I am realising that things are just things and they have no power over my now and my future and that all I want to do is be happy and surround myself with happiness, love and light.”

I am very proud of myself for just writing this. I actually felt a cleanse and I hope that by me sharing this with you I can encourage those who may be going through something similar or are dealing with ongoing issues to write down the things you are proud off, to learn to let go and to learn to love yourself for who you are and how strong you are. Something to remind yourself everyday is that you are stronger than you think you are, you will be scared but you will make it through and there are so many other people out there who’s hearts are open to help and love you.

 

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Last of all I am doing a giveaway which I am going to draw this weekend. If you would be interested in getting involved please see the capture below, find me on my instragram, share, follow and repost.

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Thank you for letting me share, much love.

 

Namaste

Namaste

Change Brings New Life

It has been awhile since I have posted anything on here, I have been going through a lot of changes over the past couple of months. Whenever I would have any spare time I would end up thinking about writing but instead I would sit down with a glass of wine and watch one of my favourite crime shows. So today in-between work I decided it that I would like to share a few of these changes with you.

You may have seen my post about loosing my job. Being the type of person who needs to have elements of stability in her life, this came as a massive shock and was something that really hit me hard. I have been working full time for many years and this job I had invested a lot of myself into. It took me some time to understand why this had happened to me. Last year when I was having health problems the one stability in my life was full time work. Knowing that I could pay for MRI’s, specialist appointments, CT scans and many more really set my mind at ease. So yes I had some major anxiety.

A week after I found out I lost my job, I had my yoga retreat. This was a celebration weekend for all us yogi’s who were graduating from our 9 month teaching trainer course. This funnily enough came at the perfect time, although I didn’t feel that way at the retreat I now believe it was the best thing for me. During the retreat I ended up going through some pretty intense realisations about myself. I addressed some past issues that I knew I was still struggling with (I will always be working through) and came back feeling very raw but in a good way. I can’t really explain what raw means or tell you what changed inside of me, all I know is I feel completely different.

I had a week left to rap things up with my old job when I got back from my weekend away and during this time I texted my old boss from a previous job I worked at to let her know what had happened. I have known this beautiful soul since I was 13 and she called me straight away to say she wanted me to come over to have a chat. The universe had aligned it seemed. She was needing someone to come take over 3 days of work a week and was feeling stressed at the thought of finding someone. I obviously adore her, I needed work and she needed me so I agreed that until I knew what I was going to do I would come and work for her again. I had also been asked after finishing up at my job to continue to look after some things for my most recent boss’s business, which is minimal work but it lets me still feel a connection to the job I had invested so much of myself into.

During all of these things happening to me I had also met up with a lovely lady named Hayley for a meeting about maybe teaching some yoga classes for her new studio she was opening. Yoga is something I am very passionate about and obviously I agreed to teach some classes. Hayley is so very talented, she is a beautiful and strong woman and I feel very humbled to be able to teach classes at her beautiful studio in Windsor on Newmarket road. Click on the link to below to find out more information on Hayley Grace Yoga.

 

 

Sometimes the things in life that we see negatively, decisions we are forced to make or that are forced upon us are actually just little nudges, kind loving nudges to help us change direction, move forward, or backwards to allow for the new to come in, to allow for something that we would never have thought was possible. I am very grateful that I lost my job, obviously it has taken me a few months to get to this point, to understand why I needed to take a different direction but I am thankful that it did happen.

I know I have posted a few things about my health, but I haven’t really gone into it in depth, today is not the day for it but I will be addressing this soon. Every day is an ongoing struggle, I am constantly challenged mentally, physically and emotionally… I am learning that I am a very strong woman, that I am a very compassionate woman and that I want to help others more and more now that I have learnt how to help myself. I look forward to sharing this with you when the time comes that I can be completely open.

I don’t know what else is out there for me, but I am embracing everything and anything and being open to change. I am also taking on another role soon which will be something very different for me and I am so excited. If you get a chance this weekend come say hello to myself, my dear friend Rebecca Cobbing and the amazingly talented Wendy Louise at the Queensland Brides Wedding & Honeymoon Expo. Click on the link below to find out more details.

 

3 more sleeps till the Queensland Brides Wedding & Honeymoon Expo, come say hi at booth 154. Wendy Louise Designs and Rebecca Cobbing Couture will be there with their own ranges and all the new Belle Folie stock. They will be hosting 2 mini workshops each day at the booth.

 

 I hope you all have an absolutely wonderful Wednesday. Namaste.

Everyday is a new day, a new beginning to make your mark on the world. Your best teacher is your last mistake ❤️ learn, grow and move on.

Everyday is a new day, a new beginning to make your mark on the world. Your best teacher is your last mistake ❤️ learn, grow and move on.

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